My first exploration was meditation and, after spending months in a Zen retreat, where I could eventually say that I tasted enlightenment, (I could hear snails crawl) I took one step back into the real world – caught a taxi to the airport to go home and blew it all. On the way, there was a traffic jam. I panicked about missing my flight, my palms began to sweat. I didn’t have the skill to bring this inner calm, perfected in isolation into the real world.
Next, I went to Yoga. I went to India for six months, and while everyone else took cocaine, smoked dope and had emotional roller coasters with lovers – I, with my partner in life, suffered the incredible agony of liquid poo, torn hamstrings and fevers you could fry eggs on. After all this work getting “spiritual I was actually more judgemental… I mean, instead of becoming more integrated in life, I became a vegetarian, yoga doing, peace loving anti violence yogi – After six long months of dedicated study, I sat in a rickshaw and lost my temper to a driver who took me the long way to a party – the extra cost of his extra journey was 2 cents. In spite of my body being more, scrawny and my hamstrings being long enough to wear as a tie, I was no more conscious now than I’d ever been.
Pissed off at all this wasted “searching for myself” I decided to add Metaphysics to my Zen and Yoga practices. I spend ten years studying metaphysics. I learned the names of the guys who chipped the rocks that made the pyramids and I knew why the stars were in the sky and why the body lives and dies and where we go after death and what makes the world go round and round. Ultimately, the realisation is that, the more you know the more you know you don’t know. My intellect was therefore no path to enlightenment, consciousness or spirituality… Knowing stuff changes nothing… If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Along the way I added qualifications in: tantra, meditation, therapy, geshtalt, reiki, shiatsu, massage, healing. I read over 20,000 books, became a Buddhist, did years of psychodrama, therapy, workshops and explorations with all the wonderful alternative herbs, minerals and cleansing programs… to the net result of……… yup, you guessed it… more vulnerable, more judgemental, less connected, unconscious, poorer, dumber, and uncertain… cripes I was so happy about that (not). Viasil
But in retrospect it was my expectations that were messed up.
Yoga did help because it gave me an incredible respect for my body and mind connection. Zen showed me that all my unconsciousness was because of the noise I created in my own responses to the world, the MBA helped too because it made me realise how limited the “business models” of leadership, self awareness and human potential were…. and metaphysics, well at least I learned that my thirst for knowledge was insatiable and there would be no confidence or security in that road…
Wakie Wakie…. Walker
One day I was taking an emergency toilet stop while trekking high up the Himalayas in Nepal where the air is thin and farts are only for the brave or naive. I was sitting in the bush, looking out over those mountains and I got a flash of inspiration that changed my life. No, not a snake bite or a hit on the head from a falling rock. I saw it… the direct path to enlightenment.